I dunno why...exactly, but since I was going on bed this noon... these tears can't be stopped...Actually, it was because... I know that I'm not supposed to be around..there's another who fit perfectly better than me.. And what kind of reason anymore I should hang on?

I'd tried my best to stop these tears when I decided to sleep and forget about this when I'm awake then... but there's no use.. when I woke up, these tears even come down whenever I was sleeping... I have no idea why? Even when I was writing here, I never be like this before.. ==" for sure I always handle my tears in certain place... but... such a long ago I never be like this...

I promised myself to smile... but I can't even tell the truth... gw bener2 gatau harus gimana lagi.. bener2 kehabisan ide.. kehabisan cara...serba salah... ==" I think I should calm myself first...~Seharusnya!!... Tapi udah sekitar 5 jam dari tadi sore.. ==" looks like kali ini bener2 gaswat.. I admit it.. last time gw ga sampe break down amad sampe kayak gini.. sigh~... ditanya kenapa gw ga bisa ngejelasin juga...

Untuk yang kesekian kalinya, gw kecewa sama diri gw sendiri.. Sebenernya gw tuh ga peka, tukang manfaatin kesempatan, atau gimana sih gw juga gatau... -_____________- merasa gw ini keknya jahat bener... T_________T gw jahat... jahat jahatttttttttttttttttttt (histeris mode ON)... That's why ... entahlah.. rasanya enggan aja jadinya. Kesannya gw udah tau yang baik sama yang ga baik, tapi gw ngelakuin yang ga baik... gw harus gimana? HARUS GIMANA LAGIIIII??? Asli kalo sampe kaya gini 2-3 hari lagi, dipastikan gw masuk RS, opname..==a... dan gimana caranya gw cerita? Gimana caranya... TT______TT

I realize from the very beginning, the deeper I got into, even seems fine, happy... it would create a huge pain in the last...Yep, what should I say then? Seems alright? Hell NO!... Yep, intinya.. buat apa lagi gw bertahan disini? Buat apa? Untuk melihat sesuatu yang bisa bikin gw makin break down, sebagaimanapun gw berusaha seems fine? At all, sebenernya apa ada yang berubah saat ada gw, dan saat nggak ada gw? Looks like the answer is NO...If there are any reason for me to keep stay in this point, then I will stay... I am not sure ... even just for asking to stay.. If there's any other person who can do that better than me, therefore... I am the one who should go... far away, again into the new world... entah kemana.. tapi yang pasti sendirian lagi... ^___________^

For being honest... Sebenernya gw ga mau milih ini... gw ga bisa, gw ga pengen juga.... tapi gw bisa apa?? Gw makin nyakitin diri sendiri kalo kaya gini caranya...gw pengen bilang kenapa gw begini... gw juga pengen kasitau... tapi... I really never wanna do that... itu mungkin perbuatan terbodoh yang bakalan gw lakukan... ==" tapi tiap kali gw inget lagi kata2 itu... entah kenapa rasanya... gw kaya batu sandungan di hidupnya orang laen... as Tine said,"I should go from the very beginning..."... again... I'm lying to myself again by saying,"I'm okay..."

I dunno again, bener2 berantakan feelings gw sekarang... gatau mo ngomong apa..