Looks like I was really thinking too much about my school, my future, and also my life story. Something like that maybe. It was not a tragedy event or anything else, but simple stories that maybe one of you ever done..

Again, after my part time work, I feel my head getting heavy and after I arrived at home, I just laying on my bed and let myself take control of my feelings. Until now, my head still heavy, a little. I must have been happy after heard a good news today that I wishes for. But exactly, I just wanna cry because that means I will meet him more often...

Sigh~

Headache again, not just because a simple thing like that. I'm thinking about how can I survive in this world? I'm thinking about how people laugh everyday? Hiding their problem behind and making this world fake... Everyday I meet people that looks so happy, feel no pressure, looks like they can enjoy their life without any matter. I'm not saying that I'm jealous, really not at all. I'm not saying that I don't like my life stories, or maybe I want a beautiful life just like I saw in others, but I may just feel bored... Bored of what? Bored of the sick in my head, bored of being refused, bore of being alone... but what? I know there's many person around me... But I really don't know too, why can't I tell them about this? Maybe I'm treated not to be honest with others... about what happened with me...

Simple things that never be granted. Each time I feel more confidence to wish somethings, at the same times, I feel that it was a ridiculous thing to be wished.. I never wish for something impossible, just a simple things. Or maybe that I can't see how the God's way works?? Eventhough.. I must facing this way of refine... I don't wanna ask any favor, really...

But I'm tired of my life, even people say that there are many things I'd not seen, but I think it was really enough, really enough. I don't wanna see any sadness, I don't wanna feel any hurt again. Why? Why .. for again, and for the I don't know how many times..

When I saw the same face again, the same face that throw a nice and sweet smile... I feel very sad.. I don't know. Smile that usually calms me down, smile that usually make me happy, and smile that usually encourage me... I don't know why that smile turns into a big thorn that snap into my deepest heart... And I can't lie to myself that I was really sad, to know again the real truth about this, to get out from the dream world that I'd made for my own happiness. The truth is a truth, and it will not be changed, no matter, how hard I've tried. Because, it will not be changed because of me...

Just let me go~ get out from the fake world, walk alone in the rain. Rain that hides any tears, rain that hide any scars, rain that cure any hurts, rain that had already gone left me in the silent... rain that had already told me how to release... Things that I must know... and I must accept, no matter how hurts it will be... If I am not stopping myself right now, in the future, I will suffer more than today.. Just trust yourself girl, that face will never turns on you anymore... Trust me... No matter... how hard you'd wishes, you'd tried, it will not turn on you, even for a sympathy, it will be show you the same smile... without any words... the same smile that will make you cry along the night...

Trust me, that you must not wished further more.. There's anybody else waiting for you in the darkness that you never seen... Even I can't but I must... It means, I really care, better than I'm trying for my own wishes... Don't we usually call it by true love?