Really, looks like I'd been stressed a lot until my body condition drop very much. And I had a fever yesterday. Really. I can't eat, can't sleep... but deep inside my heart, feel more painful than outside...Dizzy, cold, but very hot inside my body, the temperature reach until 38,5 C.

Swallow making me suffer more pain. After eat some medicine, it was getting better. But in the morning, I feel my stomach is a little bit sick. And remember that today I'll have marathon, looks like I can't go to school. So that I was totally rest until now. But, my heart was getting hurt again.. Really..

I still can't believe how can be? For such a long time, I'd never been like this again since two years ago. Why? I am so weak, so pathetic, even I'd suffer until like this, he will never realize, and I also never hope that he will realize because of this.. But should I suffer until like this? Even it will not change anything. Even he will not ask about me again. Since Monday, I'd realize.. but I don't know why. I just know that the probability has been 0 ... So that.. for what again? I will never want to remember again, never want to make any memories, never want to believe. And I know I should give up, just like three years ago.

Even there's someone love me so, then why can't I ? Sacrifice a lot until like this, even won't change anything, but still take a lot things in my mind. I don't know. And I know, today will no more longer again. Thinking about that making me sad. But I don't want anyone cure this. Let me keep this alone. Even sick, but it is still a precious thing I can keep until I can't forget, 4 months again...

I don't know why.. But hope then I'll regained my health again.I am not wishing again, if he asked, or he care again about me. For me it's already finish. Fake smiles, fake attention... really. I don't want again.