Actually, I must laugh just like this morning I laughed and smile happily...But now, that feeling turn into pain and sick again... Even when I'd already known, it just a daydreaming, however it feels so sweet in real... but I must stop lying myself about wishes. In one side I feel happy, and I tried not to lie my feeling about that... But when I remember that just about a game, and I was the one who trapped inside the game... I feel hurt again.

For many things we have talked about today, laugh together, smile together. Remember about the voice, and so on... I don't know why, these tears coming...

I know the fact about his behavior,daily routine to act like that... but

Whenever I think is that a present that in the last year, I could spent my time beautifully like this? Could I called it by a Christmas present? I feel weird at all...

Even I'd believe for few hours, for each words that told a big lie. I just never want to regret, about today. That I really enjoyed the time. Even though just a lie, and just to cheer me up.. I will never regret for that... For everything even just fake, just for this time. Even it scratch heavily..I'd already told you, just like roses, they are beautiful to keep, even though their torn can hurt you anytime whenever you hold them tightly...

I just want to enjoy the last time, even without saying any words just like three years ago. I know that it is the best for anyone. With silence, and let me keep that alone, even there's no one will realize. I just want to keep this alone,without anyone... I will never wish to grant that wishes anymore. I'm already satisfied with this... Only with this small pieces of memories, hope will be gone by the wind...

Sound that never ends..

I just feeling again the same rhythm is calling me, just like three years ago...But I've decided, not to tell anyone again about this... Why? Because when a person know, I feel the pain just like became more painful than before... Even when he asked for, I really can't accept this...

God... why? Why this always happen to me?In a same time... In a short time, but a deep scratch...

So that how can I smile behind that?