My last Christmas in my last year on senior high...

Many memories.. and there's nothing changed so much inside...

When I was in the chapel this night...I felt empty really.. Just like hear but don't understand... Want to know but can't. I wish to know what happened with me lately?

Yesterday was a really nice and interesting day to spent.. Still play together with friends. I wonder if one day we can not do the same again. Who knows? But, now I learn to say thanks for everything I could feel.. I could face.. ~___________~ just like many experience that can be happened in someone's life. But it's fun really even though it will not be always sweet. It is an important thing to remember too. Don't we feel bored when our life just flow in a same way? Wish I still have time for enjoy that time together again.. ^^

Christmas just like I hear from year to year. About Jesus Christ again, many kind of stories, many beautiful meaning behind, and also important thing that we, human being, should know. That we will be released from sin, by His sacrifice...But when I remember I always do the same thing every year, I just want to ask... Can I be forgiven?

Sometimes, sad with my own condition. Even looks very happy, very calm, but not really inside... Holiday just like a trap for me, every day, passed with loneliness... Better I go to school, or any where, that I could forget all about things...

Sometimes, when feel lonely, ad nobody hear to me... I also think... who's there? Standing beside me... embrace me tightly..Even when you said to me calmly, and I still on my opinion. Never realize, never know, and never want to know... It's YOU.. standing there, looking on my wet face.

Sometimes, when I was mad..why You are so cruel? Why You do this to me? Why You let this happen to me? But I never get the answer. And time passed away. Few months later, I got the answer, and I realize it was a perfect plan You'd built for me... Even until now, I still don't know. Why I must suffer like this until now??

Sometimes, when I was smile happily... I forget about You, never asked about Why you give me happiness even I don't deserve for it? I just think I deserve for that because I'd suffer for a long time... I never asked, and also seldom say ,"Thanks." After tired of my happiness, I just go to sleep and facing tomorrow sadness, then asked 'Why' again...

And one day, when You'd found me, I always run away, hide myself, go far away... Fall again, hurt, and refuse when You give Your hands for me... I am the one who refuse, who was being stubborn...In the chapel, I still remember that the priest said... No matter how long you'd lost, you'd gone, He always waiting for you... He wait you to go home... Go to your home, with your real FAMILY...

Father, if tonight I want to say... Can I go home? Will you still receive me after this? After I'd gone so long.. For many times... Will You forgive me?