Right now at 11:25 PM...

My head getting dizzy, and this pain kinda killing me, really, it just like sticking from my right back to in front...Sigh~ This make me feel no comfort at all.. And the good thing is... I'm alone here, listening to the music.

Looks like if I have pair of wings I could fly then hide myself between the clouds...Really..

Night walks lately soon, but my feet still stand on the same land just like at noon. I'm still looking at that thing, still facing on mine, still looking in my deepest heart... I will forget the past, I will forget them... Sigh~ It keep getting hurt all the time... Really hurts myself...

I think how can I hurt another again with this fact? How can I face about people said around? How can I hold on this condition? How I must ....take care this?

There's people said that they love me but they can't accept all of me, all part of me.. there's also people said they love me, but they don't care about me, ..there's another said they love me, the accept me, and will be nice... wishes, wishes.. In fact people usually gives me good opinion, good sight,and also good wish about that... but when I didn't found it, I was totally hurt deeply, and when it HAPPEN... I'm ALONE...

Feel tragic? Not at all.. I don't want to be weak. But it doesn't mean that you can be weak..Really. Why? In the other side, I want to gain my own happiness, but in the other side, there's no one can understand what is the THING behind something that I've done? Something that people will never been realize... Even theirself...

Really if I could just cry... I would cry for why I must done this path? Why they must love a person just like me? I have no many goodness to love for, no good attitude, no sweet girls, no beautiful face, either beautiful heart...just like a littering thing... that God still take care of ... That just He is the One I could trust on....But why God create me to walk in this path? Why?? Why?? Do I holy enough for this kinda way? Or Do I sinful enough for this punishment? But I always think that God was always kind, and it was a pleasure for me if He want to allow me to walk in His path, if it is really His Path...

But for sure, really, I feel no strength anymore... I can't swallow anything just for eat... This pain, in my chest, getting worse... Sigh~ It's hurting me a lot...