Sigh~

This feeling keep coming through. After read the full version of short story that I read when Indonesian language test last Monday…I'm keep thinking.. Is that really that girls will be always lose? Sigh I don't know why I can think like that... Beautiful girls, the perfect one, they have beautiful face, nice body, light skin, and man likes them eventhough they don’t have enough beautiful behavior just like their outer beauty... But why, that type were being liked by all of men, included him...I know for many years I always lose to them, yeah even for once, I leave someone for a reason that I don’t want to leave him but I have no other choice...

Beautiful girls, since a long time..I hate them. I hate being like them, just like feel nasty touching mud, or if must go to the village, that wash their faces until 5 times in a day, need so much time just to put blush on their cheeks, and many more like that. Daily, I just be like this, just the real me, I'm not in panic for one or maybe more acnes... Sigh~ Beautiful girls, I really don't like them since I was a kid. Really, for sure I never have a bad experience with them, but I just think that I don't like them...And IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M NOT AS BEAUTIFUL AS THEY ARE...But now I' facing again one of them...

I don't know what the exact reason why she became so mad at me then even I never met her...It's strange for me...I never done something bad, at least I never doing something that can hurts her feelings but really I don't know why she was very angry at me? How can be she can fight me if one day she meets me... I'll not lose for a battle, but at least for a good reason so that I would hit without any regrets, and I don't find any of it.I think it would be fun if I can make a little bruise on her face, then she will be very very panic at least for one weeks until the bruise gone. Really I still don't know why. Even he already told me not to mind it today, but I'm still thinking about it..Why must be me? I always be the one that must be the WRONG one for any cases.. Beside of fact that I will never be the chosen one. So that what kind of pressure I must hold on my shoulder?? I was never been accepted, or maybe in some cases I refuse to be accepted...Beside of that, I still have to be around them. People like her. I don't know, but exactly, she's really the type I will never like for any reason... Beautiful, if just on the outside, so she must be FAKE... Remember, I hate FAKE... Talking about her, that means I also HATE HIM. Why? People who just see the outside, for a reason, because she is beautiful even she just QUITE enough kind... Then, sorry... I HATE people that just think as deep as that...

Sigh ~

Even I have known the real fact, but I think and I don't know why, I know I must forget about that. I'm not the chosen one, just like in other cases before. I'm not their type to be chosen. But why? Why must me? After today I hear a story about a title " Why must me, God ?". I really don't know why I still could not believe that I was the one that must face this... Even for many times I've already said to myself, you must be strong, you must face and pass this. Words were very easy to said when we've already passed the tough times. But most of us groan sadly and painfully when they are facing through that times, right?

I don't know why... but really.. I HATE beautiful girls...