My Holy Platform

Okay, okay now, I think there isn't a week after I finish the last one test, that they said as Mid Semester Test. Now I'm facing the End Semester Test.

Tomorrow is Civil. ~_~ Yeah the same schedule, just different days... ~_~ I will try my best facing this one. Last test, the last one before the National Exam and School Very Final Test. Huaahmmm...

Boring day, kind like very bossy for me. But, I dunno why I have an opinion like this...

=3=

Kinda maybe, confused... Now, I'm in spirit of making comics, new kinda of story of course, with the plot first. I have been enough making comic without the real plot before... Finishing my acrylic paint... And also my photoshop and illustrator course... XD~SPIRITTT... Take my dinner, my coffee break, then go on!

I thought that practical test is much better than theory test, but now I change my mind, I was totally WRONG!

== I'd been waiting, maybe about 10 hours in these 3 days, just for a turn that not be more than 10 minutes.. And realize what is the main effect of my headache because of today, I hear about many things.. I could be crazy in count of days maybe..

Really.. don't have time for thinking about another else..And practical test will be held til next week, I just wondering what will happen next if in the first 3 days, are silly enough for make me crazy!!

== btw, I haven't take any picture of myself.. ==" well, need many photo of myself, for what.. many things of course.. XD~ cmon, practical test is kinda killing me, slow but sure... GAHHH!

Sick of these test, after sick History test, then begin again with Math!!!

After this I don't think that I can get some rest too, remember that next week is practical test.. ==" kinda make me crazy really... I'm sick of this oneeeeeeeee

I dunno, but it was getting worse right now.. ==" I dunno really it is getting better or not..

~_~ really... I hope it will be pass away, maybe in such a simple time...

I still can;t believe how can this happen?? For now, at least I never hope more for anything else, just a simple life, with warmness and silent... Somehow, I feel no comfort at all for many noise around. Many sounds... I dunno if I had changed so much like this or not, but exactly, I just know about..I want to let this go...

Strange somehow huh?? ==" yeah I'm feeling like that... Even there's no even one words that I can trust from him. Not even, because I know, it such a gameplay... ~_~ and for what??

=="

I feel really strange that I realize it was so hard for me to trusting other people.Really. I'm doing my project today. At least, I can make it better than now.. Releasing my busy day with this way. Just only. Improving skills in my spare time.I even never want to remember again about things happen today.

Thanks God that I had already finished my essay... =_________= really, and now my shoulder feels so sick.. I dunno why~

I bought lot of comics very cheap today... XD~ Milk Crown Series my favorite... Feel I want to be like Oto...She has Jin beside her... Just guess who is Jin in my life...

Actually, after thinking a lot, I still didn't change so much than yesterday, still feel sick about that. Yeah, everyone know that it is not easy to forget something important for you... But I feel that I should not kept something that useless, or maybe will hurt me in the future. Sometimes, things that we want, and things we must go with is different. And I think that I will facing things like that if I still move on with this wish. Why? Actually, feelings can change, but need years for changing everything to be normal again. And we don't have enough time to wait.

Okay, it make sense if he said that he can, but it doesn't make sense for things he has done for years, you know? C'mon, back to the real world, it is not as easy as you're flipping coin or another.. The worst fact is I will suffer more than this. See, there are so many person, even they don't like ways they must do, because it was the only things, it was the only chance they have, and they will not gonna miss it, rather than they must do it eventhough they didn't like it.

And including me there... I must doing this eventhough I don't like it.. see?

Sigh~ my shoulder getting sick when I typing... I must stop now..

Do you ever hear? If someone's heart is being hurt for a long time and often, it can turn into a rock. As hard as rock, as cool as ice... If you think that I'm just wondering around... you should think twice.

How should I forget... People who blame on me without any kindness, without any sympathy, or even just more than prefer to do it cruelly... And how could I forget people who betray me.. that I'd give them a trust~ so that I will never ever trust you when you'd disappointed me even just once, I will not.. And it's effect even on him...

Today, I even can't swallow my breakfast, my lunch and pass my dinner. Rather than I said, there's no hungry, maybe it will fit, because I feel hurt so that I don't feel hungry at all. Now, I'm here, typing half of my task. Almost finish but I'll not finish it today. I still have many things to be done. And why? Kind heart could turn into hard and cold one?

People have their own limit for tolerance. Tolerance about other bad habit, bad things, bad words. And when it reach their limits, it will turn all. It will change almost 99% condition. And it happen to me, not for the first time. But I even can't count for the how many times...

People that I should not forgive, not because I could not forgive. People that I should not trust, not because I could not trust. That's why the Bible said, human, no matter how perfect he/she is, they will disappoint you one day, but when you're in God, God will never disappoint you... And I admit that it was a true fact, even sometimes God gives me a hard way to do. But the result never disappoint me, right?

I ever want to be honest, but they never give me a chance to. I ever want to try for the second times, but I was too scared that it will be the same... Then what should I do?? The same thing happens with people that today disappoint me a lot. Even he never realize that he has been already disappointing me, he never realize, and will never go for apologies...

People that I should never forgive, people that I should never smile to. But until today, they still never realize because I never be honest. And when I am saying this truth, there's no one will accept...It's kinda funny right??

Then, I just thinking, after a long time ago. Today... it has turned into an icy statue inside. As hard as rock, as cool as ice..

Everybody know that 2 weeks in front is a BIG SUFFER for us, Class XII... Why? I should said, we have to done exams, and also tough weeks, and of course lot of tasks that I dunno why we must do that during the exam. Nonsense...

==" If I think I could done in two days, I might be wrong. And now I was told of new project that wait in front of me. I'll not miss it. Maybe I need 1-2 days work to done the project...My God... I just want to finish my painting today... Really, I want to finish it!!! Arrrgghhhh.... and also my other oil painting too... Hahahahah... Love painting, things that can remake my mood at least for now. I want to prepare myself for dong painting after this... At least, I must finish all of blank part and fill it with colour, for the flowers.. ==" sigh~ but I feel tired, really. Maybe tomorrow, Today, I want to type my essay, maybe around 15-20 questions. So that tomorrow I can finish my paint nicely...

After finish I'll feel better, Yes I must!!! Love art really... *hugs~

Better I take a bath, then take a rest for a while.. before starting go down with my works... till midnight...==" another tough day to pass.

I'd thought for many times, and still on the same question without answer... why must him?

I really appreciate if someone else, with better attitude switched on his position in my life, really. Maybe I will not have any desire of taking a big hit on his head.

I still have many tasks, many things in my schedule for this 2 weeks, and it such the busiest one I should take in this month, 2 weeks of test and trials..Tasks, and many more, more again about songs too, many more about many things again.. I feel I don't have enough me, just like today.When I fell asleep yesterday, feel that I'd missed many time.Sigh~ today I must finish the picture, a little bit of long essay again, and learning for tomorrow's test.. Sigh~ such as many things to do... again and again.

Sometimes, I don't like being honest, but sometimes... it looks so funny, really. I don't have any idea again for taking this problem..

Maybe silent is not a good way, but I must keep continue this. ==" I really don't think, if there are any people like that...

I should take my time doing many things else... yeah... == I think..

Dunno is it a fit title or not? But I feel BIG DISASTER MORE THAN FRIDAY!!!!!

Sigh~ I think I will lost many energy because of this...I feel really desperate because of this things, and guess what? I FEEL WANT TO EXPLODE SOMETHING OR ANYTHING... ==" silly...

Really, if I have something to throw maybe I'd thrown it to his head, looking for his act today that make me very very tired of this kind of things. Maybe right... ==" eventhough there's many person who don't care about people opinion or about anything they'd said, but I CARE ABOUT IT.... And effect of his WORD WAS SO BIG even for my apologies...

Sigh~ I still can't believe that it could happen, during the exam... And it was really ruined.... Better I ruined his head... urrgghhh, exam, again and again I really hate EXAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!