My Holy Platform

Aaaah... gw seneng banget after finished ujian art.. ==" tiba2 dapet kabar buruk.. gw disuruh buat laporan again buat IPS terpadu... WTH..

=="

Aaaah entah kenapa udah beberapa hari ini ada yang ngeganjel banget di hati.. serasa gak tenang jadinya... Bukan karena apa-apa.. cuman terasa agak sesak aja... Fuuuh... gw sendiri kadang ga ngerti apa yang terjadi sama diri gw sendiri...

Okay, sometimes, I may have too many things to be thought.. ==" tapi... gimana yah, it is me.. Gw yang orangnya resahan kalo nggak mikirin masalah itu, gw yang orangnya gampang panikan...gw yang susah nyembunyiin apa2.. kalo gw sedih, kalo gw terluka... mungkin aja gw bisa tersenyum, seakan-akan.. gw selalu baik-baik aja... Gw ga tau harus cerita apa, harus mulai darimana...

I can't describe it well.. But, I feel worry, I dunno why ... Sometimes when I feel sad... I don't know exactly, what kind of things that make the pain... Ngilu banget rasanya.. sama seperti kalo gw kehilangan setengah diri gw... Kalo dibiarin lama2 jadi males ngapa2in... males makan, males melakukan apapun juga...

Aneh memang... but, it's the truth...T_________T aaah.... pusink....

Gila meskipun ada beberapa bagian yang sempet miss, tapi gw puas deh dengan hasil selama 3 hari ini gw gila2an sampe gak bisa tidur ingetin ni kerjaan, finally beres juga.

Gw senang banget gak tau kenapa... There's something make me feel like that... entah karena kangen, ato karena gimana gw sendiri juga nggak begitu ngerti sih. Hehhehehe tapi begitulah, mski badan gw pegel disana sini, tapi rasanya gw puassss banget hari ini...really..

~_~ huff diajakin pergi Jumat, Sabtu (in planning), Minggu si mel keknya ultah deh tpi tu anak kok blon announcement2 mo pergi ya, biasanya ga dadakan tu anak kl mo dinner... ~_~ tumben, kesambet ujian kali otak anaknya yah... Jumat seh jelas2 gw pengen pergi kalo jadi... secara pulang pagi banged uii... (ini juga kalo rencana kesusun rapi, jumlah pembaca motor=penumpang, duit lg pada ada, n manusia2nya asik diajak jalan).. Sabtu, itu gw mikir ke 1 ngalesan apa gw ngomong, nyokap gw lagi most kepoest... --..bingung dah gw, bs dapet ceramah panjang gak pake tanda baca dah...overprotektif...Hmmm~

Minggu... entahlah, gw sendiri gatau minggu dpan tu ada apaan, cuman pemantapan or... pake embel2.. ya tugas la bla bla bla... ==" gw sendiri udah pusink bgt am minggu ini yg klimaksnya tadi udah kelar.. Fiuuuuh.... =.= gak tau deh ntar arus gimana... Musti care2 info dolo neh buad ntar... mo cao jadi gak ada beban pikiran...

Whatever... there's something I'm thinking about lately..

Kadang gw berpikir gw da maksimal, tapi kenapa gw menyesali saat gw gagal, gw mengecap diri gw sendiri kalo gw tuh gak maksimal... gw gini, gw gitu lah... Dan pengen balik ke masa lalu..padahal kalo gw mentoknya segitu, yaudah... I did my best... =______= apa gw orangnya teralu perfect, ato tuntutan, gw juga ga mengerti, gw sendiri kadang ga bisa mengerti apa yang gw lakukan itu karena gw pengen, or karena itu gw... atau hanya gara2 other want me to do that...

Dan lagi-lagi tuk kali ini .... T____________T gw kecewa lagi sama orang yang harusnya gw sayang... Bukan kecewa kenapa. Gw gak bilang dia ga tanggung jawab la, or anything else... But.. as a leader, I didnt think that he would be like that. Seakan2 kalo hari ini gw ga makan ga kenapa2, gw gak sekolah never mind, besok gw mati pun dia cuman bilang ,"Oh!"

Gw ga tau, keknya beda banget pas gw masih kecil dulu... Sometimes I miss that I didn't spent my childhood with happiness in me... Oke lah sehari2 gw ngomong...
"Cuekin aja.."
"Emang dia gitu.."
"Mo diapain lagi?"

Tapi sebenernya gw gak bisa bilang... That I'm sad... to know fact like this...To see others can smile happily with their family.. Eventhough my mom always say many goodness again about him... but deep down in my heart, I feel just like I really has lost figure of him.. really.... I am not regret for why he should be like this, but more like... what kind of thing changed human hearts.. Love become hatred... hatred become love... it's okay if people grow to a better side, but not for the opposite...

Even I am not a child anymore... I still need them...

Why did I tell like this?? It was real...

After aerobic exercise for more than 3 hours, I thought I must be crazy... Really.. and for the bonus, there an added Chinese test too, for tomorrow after aerobic, wasn't is a good one?

I won't be depressed so much like this... Realize the fact that I still can't remember the step list of aerobic, NEVER PREPARE anything yet about Chinese test, really I thought it would be art... My gosh!

Then after go home, I take a bath, really, I'm sweating all the day, mixed with talk powder for drama attribute.. =x=, now my hair looks better... BETTER... really really I mean than before.. after that take my meal, feeling better, waiting GM give my present... and there's no one appear since 3 pm..Zzzz...!!!!

Sick of test, sick of tired... XO~ Then I finished the birthday card, and sent it.. hope he like it....Since I saw him yesterday was really no spirit at all, an really unusual... I just want to make he smile just like usual... ~_________~, because, seeing other people smile is better than seeing them cry...

Feel unwell lately... dunno why...

Things I should forget... again and again.. (how many times I told myself that I should know and never believe anymore!)...
I never understand why, I never want to know...

Sometimes people need to be honest... sometimes... s/he never need to know, what is things we hide, thing the should never know... Even it was painful.. even it was sick for us, to kept by ourself...And when s/he can't be met again, we are confuse, do we do the wrong thing to hide it??

I just think that, if I being honest, then I just get any sympathic, okay... by sympathic, it will more hurt me than before... I try not to be honest in this 17 years, and in each times I regret, I never regret that I never be honest to say... Because, I just hurt myself more, if I be honest... It was difficult to be cured....Too far to be reached, and to deep to be dive...

From a far away, even when s/he can not see... I'm happy to know that s/he was smiling... even s/he will never remember me... I was just a little thing that come and go in anyone's life...

Sometimes, people wanna say about themselves, by singing a song, by screaming around, sketching something, or maybe crying behind their smile...

Well, no doubt. Sometimes I do the same...

Let's talk about this week...

Monday : I think that it was a very busy and boring day, because I have math for 3 hours in the morning, then other subject after Math, is not better than Math... ==" As bore as Math, then I feel a little bit happy, because we can go home earlier...

Tuesday : This is really hell!! No doubt, Math and Sociology in the last minute.. My God, who is the hell are making schedule always like this, the worse in the last...

Wednesday : Pretty good that, we have not bad subject, quite interesting, preparing for tomorrow journey to GKY Mangga Besar, for celebrating IPEKA Easter... From IICS, Puri, Tomang, Pluit and Sunter, we'll gather together, I hope I can meet my friends from other location...Then he say a little good bye for me... even I am not sure about the meaning behind.

Thursday : here is the day, there are so many people are not coming especially in my class. And it was very crowded there, so I can't find my friends from other location because our seat has been signed by our own location, separated in thousands people...In the afternoon, I continue with practicing role play for practical test. I hope, Friday will come...I should find some steps for my aerobic test.

Friday : I feel so happy, really, this is the last day. Even looks like on panic, but not at all... really... =) it turns into a disaster after in the net cafe, tha game can't be started because there's sudden maintenance there.. ==' owh really, now I just can get the absence .... with the 30 minutes left, before I go home and enjoy my bed...

Actually, I prefer to forget about it, but I don't know why, it was hard to do than to say...

For sure, right now... Between this panic, between my worry, there's something that I hide mostly... yes, it's about family. I know that family was really essential, for others too not just me. But why, in the time I should depend on it, I just can't depend on them. People that should cover me a lot, are the one who drop me down in this point. I never imagine, and there's no one will want to imagine, how angel became evil...

yeah evil in our own home....

I realize there's no time for regret, there's no time for cry, and there's no time to say anything about this, abot that, and other again... There's many chance to try I would miss... Even I can't lie myself, that I can hide this, that I can't be like this everyday, I can't hide this til I die...I can't hide anything longer more...

Sometimes, I really miss again, something or somebody .... just like my diary, just hear about my story, I don;t need any advice anymore. Passing the days was really a pain for me... Home isn't comfort enough anymore to stay... I just go there for sleep, eat, then gone again... Just like a hotel outside right? There's warmness that has lost, there many things disappeared by the time... but, I can't lie... I still miss that.

National exam ahead...

But really, there's no one getting panic at all, especially students, teachers are the one who have been worried so much about our graduation.

~_~ sigh...

Sometimes in our world, we need a little rest... but I don't think that I will do that during the exam.. ==" how can... really..