Why do I blame on myself when the other side people said not to blame on yourself too far...

Why do I never trust when the other side I suggest other for give people another chance...

Why do I never forget when the other side I told not to keep people's mistakes...

Why do I say 'Happy' when the other side I was deeply 'Sad'...

Why do I don't wanna be worried when the other side I worried others ...

Why do I say 'Never Mind' when in truth 'There's something I wanna say..."

Why do I cry when all of people were laughing...

Why do I expect a day more than 24 hours?

Why do I never believe when people said... "There's nothing gonna change.."

Why do I ran from something that may bring happiness....


And why do I lie ... especially to my closest friends...

Isn't best friends wanna know whether I'm sad or whether I'm happy.. because they will be there for me when I was sad or happy...?

But why do I hard to believe... it would disappear as time goes...

I'm crying not because hurt of pain, but disappointed of the same thing...
I'm sad not because ungranted wishes...but disappointed why do they forget...
I'm silent not because I agree, but I couldn't fins any perfect words that fit
I'm smiling not because wanna tricking other, but just wanna show I will be alright

The other reason is because I don't wanna same thing happened .. after 18 years... it has never changed.. I'm not expecting too much.... but only a little, rather than huge people always offer... I only need a little... but why was it so hard to understand?